Prince Harry's 40th birthday is huge milestone - he must stop living in the past and end family feud

Prince Harry’s 40th birthday is a milestone in more ways than one. It’s a time to think about his past achievements and what might lie ahead. But it’s also an opportunity to stop living in the past – and end his conflict with the Royal Family.

From 2016, I spent two years writing his biography, following him at various engagements and chatting to him at Kensington Palace. Harry knows he has charisma and can draw people of all ages towards him. His grandmother Queen Elizabeth shared his sense of humour and adored being with him. But his unstable home life and the loss of his mother has left him with deep scars. Will they begin to heal in middle age or will he never be totally happy?

Harry was certainly an emotional child. He always got upset when the Queen Mother only invited his brother William to tea to discuss his future role as King. Harry increasingly felt he had no role. But now, as he turns 40, he has told the BBC he is no longer “anxious” but “excited” about the future. He says being a father “has given me a fresh perspective on life” and that he’s “more driven and more committed to making this world a better place”. His ambition is admirable – but inflated.

In 2020, Harry left the Royal Family to go it alone. Today he and wife Meghan go on pseudo royal visits. Recent trips to Nigeria and Colombia give the impression that they are trying to build a new fake monarchy. It’s unlikely to stop. Harry’s early traumas have also affected decisions regarding his children Archie, five, and three-year-old Lilibet.

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Keen to protect their privacy, he uses his loss of taxpayer protection for working royals as an excuse to not bring them here, keeping them away from their grandfather, uncles, aunts and cousins. His determination to keep his family safe is understandable, but perhaps this birthday will help him realise his dad may have felt just as protective of his children, and make him want to repair the damage.

Harry was only 12 when his world changed forever. While on holiday with Charles in August 1997, he got a phone call from his mother, Diana. But Harry was busy playing with his cousins and got off the phone quickly. A day later, Diana was killed in a Paris car crash. Harry told me he had never forgiven himself for having such a short conversation with her that day.

"e said that when he started at Eton College shortly after Diana’s death, he chose to be “a bad boy”. “It was something my mother encouraged. She said, ‘Be naughty, but don’t get caught’.”

Harry loved pranks. Once, he balanced a book above a door so it fell on the teacher’s head. And he made William jump by leaping out from behind a tree during a cross-country race and shouting, “Can I have your autograph?” He’s admitted he was a rebel at Eton, smoking, drinking and dabbling with drugs. When he had a ‘skinhead’ haircut, Buckingham Palace pleaded with newspapers not to use photos of him.

I have a naughty streak I enjoy,” he told me. On the night he finished his military training at Sandhurst, he celebrated at a strip club – and Harry went on partying into his late twenties. He told me: “For too many years, I just didn’t want to grow up.” He ignored William’s suggestion that he seek help for his mental health. And when Meghan arrived in his life in 2016, wearing his mum’s favourite perfume, he was hooked.

Four days after their engagement in 2017, the couple went on their first public outing. Meghan was so at ease, she broke away from Harry to talk to well-wishers on the other side of the street. And although the protocol is that the royal always goes first, she walked in front of Harry to meet teachers at Nottingham Academy. This is a position she still keeps when talking to dignitaries – pushing and pulling Harry into the position she wants. Sometimes he sits with her in silence at events as if he has no value apart from his title.

In December 2017, Harry was guest editor on the BBC Radio 4 Today programme and invited his father on to talk about climate change.

It was very touching. Harry, like many adult children, suddenly realised his father wasn’t talking nonsense after all. He admitted: “I end up picking your brains now more than I ever have done.” A rare, good father and son moment.

Fast-forward to today and Harry will be celebrating his birthday at home in California with Meghan, the children and a few friends before heading off on a boys’ camping trip.

But if he really wants to be “excited” about life in his 40s, he’ll have another mountain to climb when he gets home: healing those scars and overcoming his past.

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